All of My Tattoo's (And Their Meanings)

Given I've had people ask about my tattoo's on stream before, I figured I would do a blog to give you rogues a tour in detail on each one. My ink is related mostly to video games, comic books, and music, but I have a few personal ones.

I plan to get more in the future, but here is everything so far with the story behind them. And yes I know that they aren't the greatest work compared to a lot of other ink out there.

The story behind this one has been stated on stream multiple times, including during my 12 hr contribution to Mixer's multi streamer event to raise money for suicide prevention. However, not in the detail I'm about to mention here. They say your first tattoo should be one that's extremely meaningful. Well none that I have have more meaning than this.

Carpe Diem is Latin for Seize The Day. Live each day like your last, all that jazz, made more deep by a wound being stitched shut.

For 13 years I struggled with self harm and suicidal thoughts, which in terms to the thoughts? I was so low several times that it led to close calls with suicide attempts 9 times. Multiple events that happened in my life didn't help, such as losing a mentor who I had met through my time attending church about a decade ago (he is the reason I've been steadfast in writing my book) after he was shot in the skull walking home from church one night (his kids had just lost their mother a couple years prior to breast cancer), my uncle who was like a father figure to me when I was 13 to a heart attack, getting bullied, one of my dogs getting poisoned, other things I won't go into.

When I finally stopped and worked on bettering myself and actually appreciating my life? This was my first tattoo which I got a few weeks after I swore off cutting forever.

It was also these past experiences that are a reason why I'm so accepting of people who come by the channel saying they struggle with self harm and need someone to talk to. Though I wouldn't turn them away even if I never self harmed a day in my life.

Anyone who knows me can vouch for the fact that I have a affinity for masks.

The fact that my channel has a painted gas mask as its symbol and thus the logo for all my social media and such is a giveaway but my love for comic books and also the fact that Vega from Street Fighter is one of my all time favorite video game villains both in his look and personality (one of the characters in the book I'm writing has a personality that I based off of Vega and other narcissistic villains) among other sources in fiction also hit the point home.

If anything, In truth? The symbol for my Youtube channel and Mixer channel along with everything else associated with Apex Rogue in terms to the mask? Well it was originally inspired by my character in my aforementioned book at one point putting a similar mask on to strike fear into his opponents (which he already did beforehand due to his superhuman strength, pyromancy, fighting abilities, and skill with a bow being widely known)

Short version? I just like masks.

One thing I don't really favor though is drama. I try my best to help others out and treat others with respect as long as they show respect to me and those I care about (And even people I've never even spoke to in the sense of if those people did nothing wrong) but if someone does something to gain my ire be it to me or someone else undeserving of it? I'm quick to call people out. Yea it brings conflict but I'm not going to be spineless and let someone get away with it.

Years back I let people walk on me because 1. I didn't want to believe that the ones in question didn't care/were using me and 2. I didn't want conflict. This image represents a concept of how aside from hinting at my aforementioned love for masks? It's a metaphor for how people hide who they really are beneath a mask to look innocent and such, until you call them on it. They try to save face with lies and rumors about you to make themselves look innocent and you as the one who wronged them. While also in a way, poking fun at my own naivety at the time in that I wore a mask for them as well, to cover up my doubts on them being real, just to keep a false image alive.

I've learned over the years that yes, drama indeed sucks, but sometimes you have to brace yourself for it to put a stop to something going on, knowing that it likely isn't a concept of your character over the person causing it, instead of allowing yourself to be walked on by people who in the end don't deserve you, no matter how much you care about them. That's a lie you're letting yourself live at your own expense that is a worse reality than calling them out, cutting ties, and focusing on those who truly do care about you over the person bringing the drama and the people who take their side who if they claimed they were friends before? They never were if they took the other person's side without hearing both ends of the story.

Drama sucks, but its better to see the crack in someone else's mask than to see them as flawless no matter how ugly the real person beneath the false face is in terms to personality.

Two here. To get the more obviously one out of the way first? The broken razor blade of course is another reference to me ceasing self harm.

For the other one?

I know what you'll say. I've already gotten the joke from people saying the tattoo artist misplaced the 'E' and 'X'.

I'm straight edge (I abstain from smoking, drinking, or doing drugs as well as constant promiscuous sex) and have never done any of it, though I'm much more free minded than the militant straight edge types who are all “I'm better than everyone who smokes or drinks” and this symbolizes that ala SxE

Don't get it twisted though. I don't judge those who do such things as long as they respect that I don't do it myself and its not harder stuff like cocaine (I have several stoner friends and I'm cool with it) or other things that could endanger themselves or others (intentionally drinking while driving, doing other stupid shit). People tend to be surprised that I'm actually for the legalization of marijuana.

Two key factors to me never doing any of it though is that my uncle I mentioned above? I promised him a week before he died that I'd stay clean, along with the fact that my body is already plagued with health issues to where I don't want to contribute to it more.

I've had people say that with the stress I tend to be under? Even if just on rare occasion, toking up or getting buzzed might help but the fact is I just have never really wanted to let alone felt I needed to aside from the fact that I made a vow to the main father figure in my life that I wouldn't do it a week before I lost him. I honor my promises the best I can while also being accepting of those who do choose to do it (though again, within reason as long as they or others aren't being hurt by it)

I've had issues with trusting others for a long time now. I know I have a few true friends but otherwise, I tend to feel like everything in life? I'm taking it on by myself for the most part. Hence this tattoo based around a “lone wolf” mindset I tend to have at times. Add into that the fact that when it comes to my Mixer channel and other social media? I don't have anyone doing the graphics for my pages, the banners, overlays, panels, custom thumbnails for my Vidme stream highlights (as I did all the thumbnails for my Youtube channel) as well as the highlight videos themselves,end screens, welcome screens, promos, Scorpbot commands and maintenance (with the exception of three commands done by a friend for me) let alone any stream teams I'm on (Aside from joke teams that me and GL17CH made that aren't anything serious and Northern Gaming Bros survival game team on Mixer), fact is if you see something on my Mixer, Vidme, Twitter, Youtube, CGN, or whatever Social media I use? Graphics, bios, etc? I'm the one who made it and I never complain about hating it because its worth all the effort for how much I love streaming. And its my love for streaming that is why I'm so determined to go as far as I can even without teams, streamer cliques, etc. I've got myself, my few friends, and those followers who support me, but that aside, I've been at this on my own.

I have about 24 people on my Facebook page, barely any of them ever speak to me even though these are people I've known for years, some whom I grew up with. Each time I shared posts about my Mixer Extra Life streams? Hardly any of them paid notice compared to all the fellow streamers who've retweeted those same posts on Twitter, some who don't even like me yet they still support what I do which I respect and am thankful for. Mixer has reminded me that there are still people worth trusting in the world.

Don't get me wrong. Even in times I feel like I'm in it by myself? I help others and lend an ear, I guess mainly because I know what its like to want people to listen, be legitimate to you, etc, just to be betrayed and led on, used and talked about, rinse and repeat. So I try to listen if someone comes to me to depend on. I mean out of the millions of people on the planet, I was one of those few (or maybe even the one sole person) chosen for a simple request of a few minutes of time, aka someone trusting me. Why would I turn that down?

So, while I do tend to consider myself a loner at times, and for most of my life in just about everything, I've felt like I've faced the odds by myself with very few exceptions to friends? I'm also a wolf who protects those who he considers his pups.

This is a bit of three part concept on the fact that I'm someone who walks to the beat of his own drum, doesn't really care much on who judges how he looks, and continues to be himself, because I've made it obvious on my streams that I'm someone who tries to be kind to others as much as possible, regardless of if my looks may make me look like I'd be the exact opposite.

The kanji is Japanese for Rebel, but I admit to a misspelling on the translation for Semper Rebellium (Latin language). At a glance one might think it means Always Rebellious but like an idiot, I didn't realize there was a different word for both rebellious and rebellion thus it technically says Always Rebellion. Had I of had gave the tattoo artist the right word? It would've been Rebellis thus Always Rebellious but in a way Rebellium works out because it can also stand for revolt, thus, Always Revolt.

Revolt, rebel, etc, it goes hand in hand with the V For Vendetta symbol. V For Vendetta is one of my favorite movies and graphic novels and the source of one of my favorite quotes of all time.

“Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof.” V

This is the last of the ones that have that have a very serious story to them.

You may recognize the symbol as the Outsider Mark from Dishonored, one of multiple favorite games you'll see mentioned on this list and one that truly challenged me given I did a playthrough where I stacked the Achievements for Shadow (alert no one through all levels after the prologue), Mostly Flesh and Steel (no upgrades purchased aside from Blink) Clean Hands (Killed no one at all) and Poetic Justice (Neutralize all key targets in non lethal fashion) thus also getting the Achievement for a Low Chaos playthrough.

However, the symbol has deeper meaning for me when linked to the other two tattoos close to it.

The numbers, 07-28-33 stand for the birthday of my Uncle Chris (who I've already mentioned a couple of times above) who died when I was about 13 years old. He was the only true father figure I ever had.

Death Before Dishonor is a phrase I've always admired. Its well known among Marines but of course can relate to anyone who has something they stand by.

My uncle stood by his family, me, my aunt, their daughter (though he was the daughter's stepfather) and my mother. We had been inseparable from the time I was born until his death. We all traveled together a lot between Baltimore Maryland (my home town) and Hawkinsville Ga (the town I call home now though I hate it) and when you're a child, 13 years seems soooo much longer than how time passes when you're an adult. Summers felt like a whole year and a day felt like an actual day compared to how time goes by for me these days where it feels like only five hours have passed and the day has ended. In all? 13 years felt like a life time with this man who taught me life lessons, toughened me up, taught me to not let bullies get me down, laughed with me, cried with me, and was a much better friend than a lot of the people I've met over recent years, especially lately.

He worked over 40 years at a Bethlehem Steel owned industrial complex in Sparrow's Point Maryland. Whenever he came home I would hide under a chair in the living room and no matter how many times I did it, he always acted surprised when I jumped out to greet him.

The one night he didn't come home like he was supposed to, turns out he almost died in a car wreck where the back of his neck had been cut into deeply. He pulled through and was back at work weeks later.

Some time after his retirement from the company, and not long before we moved to Georgia in 1996, he developed Glaucoma in one of his eyes, a health decline from diabetes, and a couple of years after we came to Hawkinsville? He had to have a leg amputated due to gangrene. He still lived on through it even though I saw it taking its toll on him. He started to yell at me a good bit which he had never done prior but usually apologized after. We still had long talks about things and were still close. Here I was, 12 years old and being taught how to run my uncle's dialysis machine every night.

A week before his death, I made that promise to him about staying clean (though he never knew I self harmed) and to get my education (I had been taken out of regular school due to health issues back then and thus had to be home schooled)

Then he had to go to the hospital again with talk of his other leg being removed.

That same night, he had the heart attack I mentioned and technically died for 57 minutes before somehow reviving. By that time though he was brain dead.

To this day I took it as him going out fighting like he did everything else, working hard for us, his family, trying hard to not give up.

He finally passed away when they pulled the plug that night.

Fact is, a lot of my determination people see me show is due to that man teaching me to never give up on things until there is no hope at all, while the tattoos here are a dedication to a man who died a fighter instead of dishonoring who he was by just quitting let alone just giving up on us.

A man who taught me to be happy as myself, be legitimate, to never back down, and to give my all for my education.

In 2011, I got my GED as I promised him I would.

The rest of the explanations for my other tattoos won't be as long because its mostly just ink work based on some favorite things of mine.

I grew up on fighting games and back in the day I didn't have a preference for Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat in terms to what I considered better. I loved both though I played Street Fighter a little more, not out of preference but because I owned a copy of Street Fighter II: The World Warrior as well as Super Street Fighter but only got to rent Mortal Kombat II from time to time because my aunt and mother were iffy on buying it for me due to the violence and didn't want me playing it too much (renting it meant I didn't have for too long at a time). I also got into another franchise around this time called Fatal Fury.

Those two aside? Marvel Vs, Tekken, Darkstalkers (more on that in a second), Rival Schools, Killer Instinct,Battle Arena Toshinden, Super Smash Bros, Digimon Rumble Arena, Star Gladiator, Power Stone, Soul Calibur, Tobal No.1, Virtua Fighter, BlazBlue, Guilty Gear, Injustice, War Gods, the list goes on for fighting games I've played over the years.

That said, I'm a Ryu main in any game that has him be it Marvel Vs or Street Fighter (though Akuma, Blanka, and Deejay are some go to's for me as well in the latter series) and my favorite move in fighting games being the Hadouken (with the input being used between so many games that use projectile attacks for fireballs, which the Hadouken tends to be called for ease sometimes just as Shoryuken tends to be called Dragon Punch and Tasumaki Senpukyaku being shortened to Hurrican Kick). Hence me getting the command input for the Hadouken as a homage to one of my fave fighting games of all time and what got me into fighting games as well as MK.

A bit of blood on this one because I had to go back and have the artist fix parts where he got the color wrong, and the shading looks much better these days then at this point since the tattoo was still very fresh.

I mentioned Darkstalkers above. Its one of my top fighting game series

So if I had to say which ones I've spent the most time on? Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Darkstalkers, Marvel Vs, BlazBlue, and Killer Instinct are my favorites.

Darkstalkers is one of my most loved fighting games though for the story and the characters, who are all based around monsters of both literature and myths and legends. I watched the Saturday morning cartoon as a child (though I look back and see just how cringy it was), I've watched the ova's, read some of the Udon comic books, and I used to have the action figures (it was common to find Marvel Vs Capcom and Resident Evil figure two packs years back. I had the set of Darkstalker's 3 figures for Demitri/Lilith, Victor Von Gerdenheim and his creator's ghost, as well as Talbain/B.B Hood.

Jon Tabain has and always will be my absolute favorite character though Lord Raptor, Demitri, Sasquatch, and Victor also have always stood out to me.

I used to play Darkstalkers religiously after I got it for my PS1 and when I got Darkstalkers 3 I had memorized Talbain's entire move list. The first time I used Dragon Cannon I remember how wide my eyes were (A werewolf who fights like Bruce Lee and can summon a dragon with his nunchucks ftw!)

Resident Evil is my second favorite game series (Devil May Cry being my top game wit Castlevania in the third place spot). I'm not a big fan of the live actions but I've played every numbered entry (though I still have yet to beat 0, Code Veronica, or 2) and have done Resident Evil HD Remaster and 7 on stream before. I went toe to toe with Nemesis in Resident Evil 3 (Nemesis being my favorite series in the series with Wesker a close second) and though I missed the scary gameplay of those that came before it? I loved Resident Evil 4 (though it still had its fear factor), 5, and even 6.

I've just always loved the diversity of enemies and bosses for Resident Evil (another reason why I love Devil May Cry as well as Castlevania which I feel has the best bosses of any game series out there period) as well as the puzzle mechanics and the settings.

2nd fave game series, and also the second tattoo I had gotten.

Like with Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat there have been debates on which is better of the two games, the same debate has gone on between DC Comics and Marvel.

Again, I don't play favorites per say because both comic universes have their own style to them. Such as how I've always seen DC as more gritty than Marvel.

Example, Spider Man's rogues gallery consists of mostly genetic mutations and colorful villains persay, while Batman's villains tend to have of being based around psychological illnesses, in example, I see Two-Face as a representation of Bipolar Disorder, Riddler as Obsessive Compulsive, I feel Red Hood=Post Tramatic Stress Disorder on some parts with plausible reason, Zsasz is sociopathic in the truest sense, and lets not get started on The Joker.

For me, I like Marvel and DC both because while rival comic companies? They simply have too many contrasts for me to care about trying to judge one as better than the other though I do feel Marvel's live action movies are much better than DC's

To the point, Batman, Green Lantern, and The Flash are three of my fave DC heroes if not my top three (Rorschach is DC as well and as I've said before, I named my Boston Terrier after him) and my fave three villains are all Batman villains. Joker, Bane, and Killer Croc though Deathstroke is another I put in my favorites).

My love for Batman has been seen on stream given I've recompleted Arkham Asylum and City on stream and plan to replay Arkham Origins next (I had gotten about halfway through it on Twitch before I switched to Mixer, so I'm starting it over then taking on Arkham Knight possibly) and I used to watch the animated series every day that it came on Fox Kids when I was a child as well as have seen every live action from Michael Keaton's portrayal to Ben Affleck. That and I've had debates with friends on which Lantern Corp specific heroes and villains both from DC and Marvel would be most at place in.

Long story short? I just love Batman and Green Lantern.

I've had people compare me to Deadpool because I love to talk, joke and say off the wall things.

Be it the movie (and the upcoming sequel), the video game (which I feel deserved a higher score from game review media than what it got), the fact that I main as him in Marvel Vs Capcom 3, the comic books, cartoons, etc. Deadpool is a top fave Marvel character (He's an anti hero though he used to be more of a villain so I put him in my top 5 with Spider-Man, Wolverine, Ghost Rider, and The Thing while my five favorite villains for Marvel are Juggernaut, Dormammu, Venom, Carnage, and Dr. Doom)

The FOXHOUND logo (there's multiple logos but this one has always had the coolest design to me) from Metal Gear Solid.

Those who had a PS1 in the late 90's remember Playstation Underground and the demo discs you got from it. Two that I remember was one that had a trailer for an upcoming game with an intense musical score and a guy in a sneaking suit sneaking around a facility, knocking out guards, fighting a floating dude in a gas mask who tossed objects without touching them, and the trailer closing with a giant mech lowering its foot down towards the protagonist to step on him.

I was blown away, more so when not long after I got another demo disc that had a playable demo of the game with the first two areas. Not long after me and my family went to Walmart and I walked out with Metal Gear Solid.

The gameplay had me hooked for hours, I was constantly exploring to try and find new areas and secrets, I was constantly calling the codec contact after every new item I found or during/after every big event just to see what they would say, and when I met Grey Fox he became one of my favorite game characters (and bosses of all time).

That, and I felt the frustration of fighting Psycho Mantis not knowing you had to switch the controller port thus showing one of the most clever boss mechanics ever (aside from Mantis reading my memory card which had a file from Castlevania: Symphony of The Night which scared the hell out of me because I thought he was actually reading my mind). Like my time spent with Castlevania, I loved the creativity of the bosses in the Metal Gear series and Mantis stood out to me.

Which is the reason for the word under the logo. Those who fought Mantis may remember him saying “Blackout!” right before the fight with him starts as the screen emulates the video input cable not being connected (in another bout of fourth wall breaking) while the word Hideo (a play on video but with the name of Hideo Kojima substituting) appears at the top of the screen.

I went with a theme for both of my sets of knuckle tattoos. My left hand is retro franchises (Pac-Man, a 1-Up Mushroom from Super Mario Bros, The Ocarina of Time from The Legend of Zelda, and a Screw Attack symbol from Metroid) while my right hand is based on more recent game franchises (Borderlands, Super Meat Boy, Skyrim, and Assassin's Creed)

In truth, I went with Pac-Man and Super Mario because those are two games I watched my aunt play a lot before I got my first game console which was a Super Nintendo. After that she let me play with her on her original NES.(gaming used to be a thing among everyone under the household aside from my uncle. My mom actually used to play Mario Kart 64 with me a lot as well as Hot Shots Golf and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater and my cousin also played Super Mario Bros a lot as well). Ocarina of Time was one of my early N64 titles which I got for my birthday (though as I've stated before, Majora's Mask is my fave Zelda game, and yes, because of the concept of masks aside from all the extended replayability and side quests which Ocarina of Time didn't have to such a degree). My first Metroid was Super Metroid which of course is my fave in the series along with the first Metroid Prime and a reason why I to this day still love Metroidvania style games

In all, I've logged about 1000 hours total on both Skyrim and Borderlands 2 (with one of the Borderlands 2 tutorial videos I did for Youtube currently being at over 17,000 views last I checked) and Super Meat Boy is a game I still to this day haven't finished. As far as Assassin's Creed goes? I've yet to play Syndicate let alone beat the most recent entries. The last one I really played was Black Flag which again, favorite of the series.

In truth, these here for the most part were just because I've always liked how nautical stars and yin yang symbols looked. The reason for the 13 is more deep though.

Fave number, I consider it a lucky number, and its how many years I had self harmed before I stopped thus it symbolizes a key turning point in my life and my road to recovery.

Avenged Sevenfold has been my favorite band ever since I listened to their first album (Sounding The Seventh Trumpet with We Come Out At Night being my favorite song from the album). I'm hoping to FINALLY see them live when they come to Atlanta in July this year since I never have before.

Admittingly, Reminissions, Second Heartbeat, and Desecrate Through Reverence from Waking The Fallen as well as Bat Country and Seize The Day from City of Evil were my go jams (as well as Left Behind and I Am Hated from Slipknot's Iowa album plus pretty much the entirety of Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory and Meteora albums) when I was struggling so much more with my depression years ago.

So this is deeper for me than to simply show my love for a favorite band.

But a band that literally helped me through tough times and was key in me getting myself in a better state of mind.

Also, I plan to get the word foREVer (a common dedication to their late drummer Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan) under the Deathbat soon.

And finally, here's the last tattoo I have.

I was caught between getting a white or black variation of the Fiend Skull, the logo for another favorite band of mine, The Misfits.

I went with this version because I liked the idea of a silhouette of the logo to make it look creepier (though I at times wish I'd of went with the original version of it).

The Misfits are another band I've listened to a lot over the years and be it training, streaming, working on things in Photoshop, riding with friends out of town, etc, I hardly ever get tired of their music. It fits my love of horror movies and I love some of their covers (Dream Lover, Monster Mash, etc)

My favorite songs by them are some of their well known work such as Night of The Living Dead, Astro Zombies, Die, Die My Darling, We Are 138 (which I also loved Trivium's cover of), Helena so on, but other standouts to me are Saturday Night, Scream! (which is my absolute favorite especially the music video for it), Devil Doll, Die Monster Die, and the title track from their album The Devil's Rain.

Like with my A7X Deathbat, I'm planning on adding a little bit to this ala the title of one of the songs mentioned above (We Are 138)

As one more little mention (I already spoke of my my love for LOZ). I have my ears stretched as some may of noticed on stream. I have a pair of Triforce 5/8 plugs.

So that's that's all of them rogues. If you took the time to read this, I appreciate you hearing the story not just of my ink, but my life as well. I hope you enjoyed <3